Hugging despite whatever

Today i am quite sad.
Sometimes when i am sad i write in English, maybe from having burst into tears so many years in English with one of my best friends. Some of the most painful moments of my life have been shared with this friend and she was there for me.

3 weeks ago i was down, i mean really down, questioning if there was a point staying alive in my situation, etc.. but this is not about me and my suffering. I just mentioned it because, just as everyone, deep inside i know how it feels to hit the bottom and not having the will and strength to carry on.
But i got better and was able to remind myself of all the good in this life and felt better.
Why? Because i am not mentally ill to this point, but it is a disease, a real one affecting so many people.

So, this is about depression and mental illness. It is real and most people aren't even aware of its existence and meaning.
It does not mean that a person is feeling sad but tomorrow will be better and life goes on.
It means, this person is constantly fighting against herself, not being able to enjoy being alive, not being able to cope with suffering and feeling it is too much to handle, every single day...

My friend is hurting, very much, so much i cry as i am writing these words cause i wish i could take her pain away. Things don't work like that, sadly...

She has always been suffering, since as far as i remember. Angry against a world of easy happiness around her that she just could never grasp and fully comprehend or feel in her own skin.

Her mental illness and lifetime depression is such a burden to carry. I wish i could do something.
I cannot compare it to my pain, it doesn't make any sense comparing pains and situations.
I just need to talk about this theme, which is so serious, but not really taken seriously when it isn't around you.

It is hard for my friend, everyday is a struggle to keep merely existing.

But it is also hard for everyone around.
The ones who try to help and don't know how, the ones who thought they knew just how to help and failed, the ones who out of love got involved and tried to help until they felt themselves sinking as well and couldn't help but to jump off that boat, etc.

It is difficult dealing with this and i wish i could help her, but unfortunately i can't. It has gone beyond my reach and i just want to remind these people that, despite how deep your pain is, everyone around you is also in despair and trying to cope.
Sometimes it comes out the wrong way, the world is full of perspectives and we all have ours.

Just remember our moments of kicking life in the nuts, we rocked baby.
I am here for you. In the good and in the bad.
When i say this i seriously mean it and will respect your choices.
I still wish i could just take the pain away, i will always want that and will always feel deeply sad to know you are hurting and cannot fight it.

But i will respect your wishes.

I am here for you. Love you!